Archive for January, 2005

Last night in Alabama

Monday, January 17th, 2005

I’m exhausted, and I have to get up for work in a little over two hours, but I had too much coffee at some hole-in-the-wall waffle house knock-off on the way home. So, here I am awake.

Tonight marks Danielle’s last night in Alabama.

I got to see her tonight in Hoover one last time before she leaves. No matter how much I try to push the feeling of sadness away, I still feel like shit inside when I think about it. I can’t help but wonder if things would be different if my circumstances were different. What if I had a chiseled body? What if I had a real personality? What if I had money?

I wish there was something I could do to be desired by her.

Anyway, it was good seeing her again. Like I’ve told myself before, as long as she’s happy, I’ll be happy for her.

Wednesday, January 5th, 2005

Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.
Robert Frost

Love isn’t a decision. It’s a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simplier, but much less magical.
– Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park =]

Welcome to 2005

Tuesday, January 4th, 2005

What a holiday. I think that was the broadest range of emotions I’ve ever felt in such a short span of time.

I fucked things up more than I’ve ever done with anything before, and unsurprisingly I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much regret. If I could do it all again, it would all be different, and I would do anything to make that happen. It’s completely my fault that I let things turn out the way they did, but there doesn’t seem to be a damn thing I can do about it now. I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry for screwing up.

The good news is that I’m the only one that feels this way, which means that this whole thing is good news for someone else.

Speaking of fucking up, I only have a job right now because my boss kicks so much ass. I was a little upset about the above and did something that was completely irresponsible. I’ve never done that before and I’ll never do it again.

Oh yeah, I think one of my close friends might have a drinking problem.

So, I’m not exactly feeling like I’m on top of the world anymore. But like Sorush says, the lows help you appreciate the highs, right? For the last four months, I’ve felt like I’ve been living a charmed life. I guess feeling like shit was long overdue.

Yes, I know that’s over 20 I‘s, but this is a public post, and I want to respect the privacy of the people involved in everything that was mentioned.

I hope your holiday went much better than mine.

There’s nothing I can do to repay Joseph and Justin enough for being there when I needed them. Thanks guys.